From The Onion:
After nearly a year of verbal attacks and negative campaign ads, the nominees announced that, for the good of the country, they were willing to push their differences to the forefront and grant the American people the ticket they’ve been dreading all along.
“No other ticket is capable of rallying this nation around a clearer, more unified message of chaos and hopelessness,” the candidates said in unison from three separate podiums, each adorned with its own American flag arrangement and personal message. “Together, we will lead this nation into the future—a future where absolute deadlock over even the most minute decisions and total inefficiency on matters of the war, the economy, and the environment will launch a bold new age of confusion and social decay. For America, the only choice is [indecipherable]!”
The candidates said they had not yet decided who would fill the offices of president, vice president, and a new post the nominees are calling “the middle president.” They did, however, confirm that each would choose his or her own full cabinet, would be able to veto any bills the others sign into law, and would reserve the right to cast the tie-breaking, tie-making, and tie-rebreaking votes in the Senate.
“This nightmare ticket presents the American people with an unprecedented lack of opportunity in 2008,” Washington Post columnist Richard Cohen wrote Tuesday. “For just one vote, citizens will get four years of McCain’s brilliant temper, the incredible inexperience of Barack Obama, and the powerful two-headed monster of Hillary and Bill Clinton.”
“It will be very exciting to see what they’re capable of destroying, ” Cohen added.